PLAYLIST

Is it just I or everyone feels the same whenever you hear a very romantic song - almost like hearing someone read a love letter to you, you feel like you are falling in love although, in fact, you are not? 
These are the songs that make me feel fall in love all over again - or am I? ;) 

1. Blessed - Daniel Caesar
2. Exist for Love - Aurora 
3. Good Intentions - RINI
4. Here with Me - Susie Suh, Robot Koch 
5. ยังคู่กัน (Still Together) - Bright Vachirawit Chiva-aree
6. เพลงรักนิรันดร์ - Scrubb
7. If The World was Ending - JP Saxe, Julia Michaels
8. Picture Perfect - Jolé
9. To Know Him is To Love Him - Amy Winehouse
10. Tonight You Belong to Me - Eddie Vedder, Cat Power

PLAYLIST | VANESSA MAE

I grew up listened to instrumental/classical music because my dad loves music so much especially this genre. One of my favourite classical musicians is Vanessa Mae. She was the youngest violinist and soloist by the age of 13 to make a record on both Beethoven and Tchaikovsky. As a young girl, I looked up to her so much - she's Asian (half Singaporean-half Thai), beautiful, and talented! 
Today I want to dedicate this playlist post to her. Here are some of my favourite songs! Enjoy x 

1. Allegro Non-Molto (Winter - The Four Season Op 8 No 4) - Antonio Vivaldi
2. Bach: Toccata and Fugue in D minor - Johann Sebastian Bach, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
3. Contradanza
4. Red Hot - Symphony Mix - Ian Wherry
5. Roxane's Veil - Vangelis, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
6. Sabre Dance - Aram Khachaturian, Tolga Kashif, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
7. Scherzo in C Minor for Violin and Piano - Johannes Brahms
8. Storm - Antonio Vivaldi 
9. Tango De Los Exilados - feat. Walter Taeib, Paul Bateman, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
10. Widescreen - Mike Batt

BOOK | ON CHESIL BEACH

I bought this book 2 years ago when I accidentally stumbled on a small bookstore in Melbourne (I totally forgot the bookstore name!). I wasn't looking for books, I was just walking around with my friend, Diane, we were trying to find a dim sum place that has a good review on Yelp. We did not find the place but I'm glad I found this book. I'm not sure what happened back then, cause I never finished it for some reasons.

On Chesil Beach is a very unique book, just like Ian McEwan's other works. It is 200 pages long – only covers about two hours of time: the first two hours of a newlywed couple’s honeymoon in which they fumble to consummate their marriage and that both of them have very embarrassing sexual dysfunctions. 

The main characters, Edward and Florence, sitting in a hotel room on the beach embarrassed out of their minds. It’s 1962, on the cusp of the sexual revolution, and the pair have neither the presence of mind nor even the vocabulary to communicate openly with each other. There is only a handful of words spoken until the very last chapter of the book. 

If you can imagine, this is such an awkward but interesting book to read. By awkward, I mean, we can feel how strange it was for both Edward and Florence - they're trying to rule their own dysfunctions, they want their first night as a married couple to be as special as they imagined. It's hard to explain without spoiling tho. I'd say just give it a go ;) 

BABY STEPS TO BECOME MORE SUSTAINABLE

I've been more aware of my wellness and environment for the past year, I'd say I've been pretty sustainable at this point and very proud of it. I wasn't really going big like completely stop using plastic, become more organic or even change my diet, but I've taken some little things seriously. 

Today I'm going to share with you how I take baby steps to become more sustainable without overstressing it or even overdoing it. These things that I do are so easy that you can start doing today.

(MORE) TV-SERIES TO WATCH IN ISOLATION

Here we go again! Another month, another tv-series recommendation for accompanying you on quarantine. But, seriously you guys, how are you doing? I'm doing okay most of the days, but you know, some days are harder than others. 

My way of coping up with this whole pandemic situation is either I'm binge-watching or I don't at all. There's no in-between. How about you? 

Here are some of the series I've been watching during isolation. Hope you enjoy it as much as I am. 

IF MY WOUNDS WERE VISIBLE

I have been pretty open about my experience with mental abuse for the past year, to put in mind, my intention was never to seek attention nor I want people to pity me, but to raise awareness about that invisible abuse that leaves invisible wounds as well. 
Today is the first day of June, also known as World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD). Today is the celebration for all narcissistic abuse (mental/verbal abuse) survivors who strongly survived throughout the abuse and healing process, and also for those who did not survive. Survivors, if you read this post, thank you for surviving. What we've been through is not easy, you should be proud of yourself!  
To be frankly honest, I never thought I'd experience something like this. I grew up in a pretty healthy environment (although there are a few neighbours who like to gossip, I never cared what they're saying anyway), with a loving family, and I gained nice groups of friendship throughout the time. Some people said I'm one of those friendly, lovely, people. I took it as a compliment and motivation to be a better person for everyone on my surroundings. We always want to try our best, aren't we? 

IF MY WOUNDS WERE VISIBLE (bahasa)

Aku cukup terbuka tentang pengalamanku tentang kekerasan mental selama setahun terakhir, niatku bukan untuk mencari perhatian atau aku ingin orang-orang mengasihani saya, tetapi untuk meningkatkan kesadaran tentang kekerasan tak terlihat yang meninggalkan luka yang tak terlihat juga .
Hari ini adalah hari pertama di bulan Juni, juga dikenal sebagai World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD). Hari ini adalah perayaan untuk semua yang telah bertahan menghadapi kekerasan narsisistik (kekerasan mental / verbal), dan juga bagi mereka yang tidak bertahan. Survivors, jika kamu membaca posting ini, terima kasih telah bertahan. Apa yang kita lalui tidak mudah, kamu harus bangga pada diri sendiri!
Sejujurnya, aku tidak pernah berpikir akan mengalami sesuatu seperti ini. Aku tinggal di lingkungan yang cukup sehat (meskipun ada beberapa tetangga yang suka bergosip, toh aku tidak pernah peduli apa yang mereka katakan), dengan keluarga yang sangat penyayang, dan mempunyai sahabat-sahabat yang baik. Beberapa orang berkata aku adalah salah satu dari orang-orang yang ramah dan menyenangkan. Aku menganggapnya sebagai pujian dan motivasi untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik untuk semua orang di lingkunganku. Kami selalu ingin mencoba yang terbaik, bukan?

BEAUTY | HIGH-END MAKEUP PRODUCTS

Di post sebelumnya aku membahas soal high-end skincare, hari ini aku ingin membahas tentang high-end makeup yang kualitasnya luar biasa tapi memang harganya bikin gigit jari. Semoga apa yang aku tulis disini bisa jadi bahan pertimbangan buat kalian, ya!

Untuk skincare, kadang aku masih 'gak masalah' kalau harganya mahal selama itu cocok di kulitku dan hasilnya juga sebanding dengan harganya. Tapi kalau untuk produk-produk riasan, aku sebenarnya lebih memilih untuk membeli produk drugstore atau produk lokal yang harganya lebih terjangkau. Kenapa? Karena dipenghujung hari, makeup juga dihapus. Jadi sayang kalau membeli produk mahal yang gak bertahan lama. 

Tapi... bukan berarti aku gak mencoba sama sekali. Banyak produk high-end yang kualitasnya luar biasa, kita harus lebih selektif saja membelinya. Misalnya ada lipstick yang harganya diatas satu juta rupiah, tapi buat apa ya kan? 

Berikut ini adalah produk-produk riasan dari high-end brand yang menurutku kualitasnya sebanding dengan harganya! 

BEAUTY | SIMPLE EID MAKEUP

This year's Eid will be very different from the previous ones. I can't celebrate with my big family because we're quarantining. So instead of celebrating together at my Grandma's house like our tradition every year, this year will involve heaps of video chat, from FaceTime to Zoom. We all still feeling grateful because technology nowadays is so advance. 

Today I want to share the Eid makeup look that is very simple, easy to do and still enhancing your beauty. Remember, Eid is not about showing off but showing your inner beauty and peace. 

Let's get started! 

BEAUTY | HIGH-END SKINCARE PRODUCTS

Kalau mengobrol soal skincare atau makeup bermerek high-end, pasti ada rasa ragu atau cemas tentang kualitas produk-produk tersebut, 'yakin bagus nih? harganya kan selangit, sayang banget kalau ternyata harga tidak sebanding dengan hasil!'. Aku beberapa kali kecewa dengan produk-produk dengan harga yang menguras kantong tersebut, tapi, gak jarang juga benar-benar puas dengan hasil akhirnya! 

Sebenarnya membeli produk skincare atau makeup tergantung pada kebutuhan kita sendiri. Biasanya aku membaca ulasan dari produk tersebut sebelum membeli, kalau 4 dari 5 ulasan yang aku baca setuju dengan kualitas produk, aku mulai yakin. Ketika membaca pun perhatikan apakan si pengulas memiliki jenis kulit yang sama dengan kita, tinggal di kota atau negara beriklim sama, baru deh mikirin harganya.

Kemudian, aku juga membiasakan diri membaca kandungan formula yang terdapat dalam produk tersebut. Ada banyak bahan kimia yang harus kita hindari karena bisa merusak pigmentasi kulit bahkan mengakibatkan penyakit kulit seperti kanker. Bahan-bahan tersebut adalah parabens, phthalates, formaldehyde, toluene, sulphates, silicone, dan lain-lain. 

Buatku, skincare itu semacam investasi karena efeknya jangka panjang, makanya aku lebih berhati-hati soal skincare. Sementara makeup kan hasilnya langsung terlihat tapi efeknya juga jarang banget yang jangka panjang.  

Berikut ini adalah produk skincare yang menurutku hasilnya sebanding dengan harganya. Kalau kamu memiliki jenis kulit yang sama denganku (normal cenderung kering dan sensitif) mungkin bisa mencoba produk-produk di bawah ini! 

BOOK | GRIMM'S FAIRY TALES

This month's I read Grimm's Fairy Tales by Brother Grimm. Growing up, I always loved fairy tales. But this one, however, not your typical fairy tales. Even though I know that these are all classic tales, I feel like I'm reading them for the first time, like they've been reinvented related to a grown-up me in dark and strange ways. 

It's a bizarre but interesting experient to read this book - most of the stories are those who I'm familiar with like Snow White, Alice in Wonderland, The Princess and The Frog, Cinderella, Rapunzel, and more but some are the new ones that I haven't read the original versions yet (keep in mind, I'm not growing up with western fairy tales, I just privileged to have such open-minded parents to bring some of the tales home). 

I'm an adult and yet, I still imagining these fairy tales. I'm still rooting for the character, hoping them to get their best chances. I guess that's why I love fairy tales so much, even in this darker, bizarre versions of them, it still has a happy ending. 

I hope you guys stay healthy, happy, and please, stay at home. 

Love, Vera

ALTER MEMORY

maybe it is true
time heals nothing 
it is just replaced the memory 

but 

what if
someone came to alter the bad images
with the most beautiful unexpected remembrances?

PLAYLIST

Hi, everyone! 

Today marks my ninth week of self-isolation and honestly, I feel a bit sad and drained. I love meeting people, hanging out, hugging, and I love being around with people. However, this is the least I can do for the world, to stay at home. 

For some people including myself, being self-isolation can be though. Those who have been abused, traumatised, or struggling with mental illness need to go outside at some point. to distract their minds to something more positive. Although you still can go out (just keep in mind to keep your distance from people!), I understand how challenging time like this can be. 

I make a little playlist to keep my mind at ease. It helps me, I hope it helps you too. 

1. Blue Suede Shoes - Elvis Presley
2. Calliope - The Well Pennies 
3. Coverage - Maya Hawke
4. For Now - Lauv 
5. Fresh Roses - Juke Ross 
6. Love Me Less - MAX, Quinn XCII
7. Lover - Taylor Swift feat. Shawn Mendes
8. Sweet Little Lies - bülow
9. Tomorrow's Comin' - Atticus Walker
10. Physical - Dua Lipa

Stay safe, healthy, happy, and please stay at home! Xx 

BEAUTY | MAKEUP SWAKARANTINA

Hai! 

Siapa yang selama swakarantina masih tetap dandan? Aku! Pasti banyak juga kan ya yang sama kayak aku, biarpun diam di rumah tapi gemas aja ingin dandan. Buatku, makeup itu terapeutik dan isolasi mandiri bisa bikin aku merasa terkekang dan stres karena cemas nonton berita soal covid-19, belum lagi stres karena melakukan rutinitas yang diulang terus menerus di tempat yang sama selama... mungkin udah hampir 3 bulan, ya? 

Hari ini aku ingin sharing sama kalian produk lokal dan produk terjangkau yang aku suka banget dan menurutku kualitasnya bagus, gak kalah sama produk high-end! Makeup ini aku pakai kalau mau ke ruang tamu atau nonton tv-series, atau untuk nulis blog di teras sambil ditemani kucing-kucing kesayangan ;) 

TV-SERIES TO WATCH IN ISOLATION

It has been... how many days? I lost track of days and time now! Isolation (or quarantine, or lockdown if you will) can be tough but if you look on the brightest side, this is the perfect time to catch up some tv-series/shows you probably haven't watched yet or haven't had time to start. 

I've created a list of combination of tv-series genre for you to watch during isolation. Let me know if you have more recommendations! 

BEAUTY | CARA MENJAGA KULIT SELAMA RAMADAN

Hi, apa kabar? 

Selama bulan Ramadan, kulit biasanya menjadi lebih kering karena tubuh kita kekurangan cairan. Kulit yang kering bisa memicu tumbuhnya jerawat karena lapisan kulit memproduksi minyak berlebih. Belum lagi saat berbuka, kita pasti tergoda untuk makan takjil dan goreng-gorengan. Aduh!

Berikut ini adalah caraku untuk menjaga agar kulitku tetap terhidrasi dan bercahaya. Semoga membantu! 

WHY I FEEL LIKE I DON'T BELONG

Have you ever feel like you don't belong? Either with someone, some group of people, a place, a so-called home? 

For the last two years, I felt so. 

The first time I felt it was 2 years ago when I went back to Indonesia after I spent a whole beautiful year in Australia. I thought, oh maybe this is just a phase. But the feeling stayed with me for the whole year! Every time I saw a photo or a video that reminded me of a certain place or moment in Australia, my heart ached. It wasn't only the feeling of wanting to go back or relive the moment again, but also the sense of belonging. 

As if I meant to be there.

Then the feeling grew to be something more complicated which was the need to leave my current place. I was no longer feeling safe, comfortable, and belong here. As if I no longer understood or related to my country home. I felt disconnected. For the first time, I didn't see myself to spend the rest of my life in a country that I was born in, the city where my loved ones live. I didn't see myself living here anymore but I couldn't just go. I became depressed. 

Every morning, I felt like a zombie. I did what I have to do but I didn't feel alive. Months past, I came to realise, this was so wrong. I had to do something. Maybe this is about my trauma. So I did something about it, I faced my trauma. Instead of feeling free, I was thinking, now I have no 'debt' to anyone, I can go wherever I want. I'm almost home.

But... Where do I belong?

Where is my home? This is my home. I live with my family, I can see my friends anytime, I don't have to worry about language barriers or cultural politeness, I don't have to think twice when I talk. But why am I feeling this way? Is it Melbourne? Is it Australia in general? 

Back in February, I realised something. I had a deep conversation with someone that changed my perspective and the way I feel. This sense of belonging is not about a place but about finding myself. 

I found myself in Australia - I learned so much when I was trying to survive there. I was living my best and worst life at the same time. The experience in 2018 changed me entirely. I was living a life that I always wanted in Australia but I was also slowly losing myself because of the abusive relationship that I had back then. 

The idea of going back to Indonesia haunted me because that's where the abuser lived. So when I had to go back, I was so terrified that I would be losing the happiness that I had in Australia, my happy-self. I was doing the right thing in 2018 and I couldn't do the same thing again because I was barricaded with the wall of fear. 

I was trying to bring back who I was before 2018 when I went back to Indonesia. I was trying to put the old me and my old life together when I was a completely different person with a new life to live.

The sense of belonging is not about a place. It's about how you feel. It's about something you searching for. I felt belong in Australia because I was searching for my best-self there. I was experiencing a new life with new challenges. I was searching for who I wanted to be and I found and love her so dearly. Now that I have back to my country home, what am I looking for? 

It's almost like a puzzle you have to complete, those little things in life that matter the most. It is all about finding myself again. It's about facing your reality and lives the life that you have right now. It's about being who you are and what you want to do no matter where you are and whom you are with. 

I hope whoever you are and wherever you are, you always feel like you belong. 

Love, Vera

BOOK | A THOUSAND PIECES OF YOU

Hi, guys! How are you doing? How's your self-quarantine? I have been self-iso for almost two months now, it's been crazy. I hope you are well!! 

I just finished this book by Claudia Gray and I have a very mix-feeling about it. It's very typical and I found myself kept asking haven't I read this story before? This book is basically every other young adult trope you can imagine - the male characters that keep protecting the female ones, the typical love triangle, the lovey-dovey type of young love. By the end of chapter 1, you can predict the ending of the book. The 15-year old self would be enjoying this book but I'm no longer into this sort of YA novel anymore. To be honest, what sold me at first was the cover. It was so beautiful!

If you are into that kind of story, this book might be entertaining for you. It still has pretty likable characters, an entertaining plot with the interdimensional time travel as the main event, and the writing is very good too. The love triangle wasn't the worst, but you know, predictable. 

Stay healthy, safe, and just stay at home. 

Love, Vera

PLOT TWIST

least expected
but yet,
most enchanting of all 

oh, darling
what a beautiful plot twist you are

PLAYLIST | BEAT THE TRAFFIC

The songs to keep me sane while I stuck in the traffic. 

1. (You Drive Me) Crazy - Britney Spears
2. All My Life - K-Ci & Jojo
3. Bella Luna - Jason Mraz
4. Bite - Troye Sivan
5. Can't Pretend - Tom Odell
6. Clap Your Hands - Whilk & Misky
7. Genesis - Grimes
8. H.D.L - Lewis Del Mar 
9. I'm a Mess - Ed Sheeran
10. In Your Pocket - Maroon 5
11. I Want You Back - The Jackson 5
12. Lowlife - That Poppy
13. Malibu - Miley Cyrus 
14. Riptide - Vance Joy
15. Russian Roulette - Rihanna
16. Stay Away - Secondhand Serenade
17. Take Me to Church - Hozier 
18. The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala
19. Truth Tea - Zolita
20. Underdog - Alicia Keys