I FEEL STRANGE

My partner has been taking care of me endless times for the past few weeks, as life has been pretty challenging for me.

I wasn't in my best state - I skipped meals and/or had my meal late. I fell in the bathroom and hit my head so hard that I spent days in the hospital. I found out there was something unusual in my brain, and it added up to my personal medical mystery. Most days, I woke up tired.

I've had a few mental breakdowns - mostly from seeing my reflection in the mirror. I hate how I look, especially in my favourite clothes. Facing my phobia. Triggered and reliving my trauma. And then the bad thought haunted me, again.

I miss my family, being away from them is always a strange feeling. I miss my fur babies. I miss my flowers. Also, I miss my good old Aussie days. 

Yet at the same time, so many exciting and big things coming my way, professional and personal lives, and I'm over the moon! Working on the projects gets me hooked up, something I look forward to every single day. Somehow it's so therapeutic to plan and organise those things. I feel even more alive.

Isn't it insane what mental illness can do to you? I feel everything and nothing at the same time.

One night he softly cares my head as I leaned on his chest, crying. He said this is a phase I have to get through because I'm one step closer to being healed.

If it is, then I'm willing to endure and be stronger. I'm willing to push through my limit.

My love, thank you for being so understanding and patient. You are there for me when I couldn't be there for myself🤍

BALI (II)

It has been over half a year since I packed my bag and moved to Bali. I feel like I've been here longer than that but it's not even a year yet! Crazy how times work. Maybe one of the reasons is because so much happened here in Bali, from personal growth, and career, to relationships.
I feel so blessed.I feel like I've been given a second chance in life and it's been wonderful.
I know my days aren't always happy cute playful days, but there are still those days that I can't even look myself in the mirror. The feeling of resentment keeps coming back and forth, and it's not easy. It's a pain in the ass. But it's easier to get through. Before, it took me hours to get up from the bed and now, the longest is an hour.
Living here in Bali is one of the reasons why things get easier. I came here with the mindset 'this is a new chapter of my life' and it is. Life keeps surprising me in a way I will never forget for the rest of my life. My only hope now is that this happiness won't end.
Do I deserve this?
I do. I'm beginning to live the life I prayed for.