WELCOME 2018

Good morning and Happy New Year! 

How's your new year's eve celebration? Mine was really great! 

I hope 2018 will be our year for learning and accepting new chances, new journey and of course, the time to evolve. I'm not a fortune teller but I can feel it in my gut, this year will be much better than previous year.

Here are 17 things I learned in 2017... 

1. In order to achieve your dreams, you need to sacrifice
2. God know what's the best for you and things didn't work out for reasons 
3. One door closed, ten doors open
4. Happiness is a choice and you have the control of it
5. You deserve to choose
6. Good things take times. It sucks but it's worth to fight and wait
7. Take risk and step out from your comfort zone
8. The time is NOW
9. Get your priorities straight
10. Learn how to rest not to quite. Great things are not for quitter
11. It's okay to cry 
12. Being in love, not falling for the idea of love
13. Have a social media detox, it's healthier for your mental health
14. Be brave for you!
15. Photography is fun. It reflects your personality
16. Sometimes, we need to reward ourselves by buying an expensive chocolate and it's worth
17. Stop overthinking. It kills dreams more than closed doors. 

Let's close 2017 with smile and welcome 2018 with wide arms open to take new opportunities for us to evolve as a better person. 

Once again, happy new year! 

PLAYLIST | THE LAST OF 2017

This will be my last playlist for 2017. It's only the last for many new beginnings. I hope everyone has a great year ahead, hope you all happy and reach your goals. I hope we all loved.

Happy new year! I'll see you next year xx 

1. All My Love - Imaginary Future
2. Dream Tonite - Alvvays 
3. Like Gold - Vance Joy
4. Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens 
5. Perfect Duet - Ed Sheeran feat. Beyonce
6. Sampai Jadi Debu - Banda Neira
7. The Actor - Michael Learns to Rock 
8. Turning Page - Sleeping At Last 
9. Tonya Harding (In D Major) - Sufjan Stevens
10. Warning Sign - Coldplay
11. Who Are You - Aquilo
12. Words - F.R. David

BEST MOVIES IN 2017

2017 has been a great time for movies. So many amazing movies came out, some of disappointing movies too and please, I don't even want to begin talk about it. Anyway, I had a great time being a movie lover this year, I'm excited for more!

Here are the best movies I've watched in 2017 so far... Honestly there are still so many movies I haven't watched it (those which haven't released in my country yet), but here we go...

1. Blade Runner 2049
2. Dunkirk
3. Call Me by Your Name 
4. Thor: Ragnarok
5. Logan
6. Lady Bird
7. Wind River 
8. Wonder Woman
9. To The Bone 
10. Split
11. War for the Planet of the Apes
12. Alien: Covenant 
13. A Cure for Wellness 

What's your favorite movie in 2017? Let me know! 

2017

Less than a week, 2017 will be end. This year has been a blast from the beginning. It has my saddest and happiest moments, from worst time of my life to the best ones so far. 

2017 has been a ride. The time of self realization, I've handled things I didn't think I could. I accepted my closed doors, I stepped out from my comfort zone, I said yes to new challenges, and most importantly, I've grown as a person who was no longer pushed myself too much. 

2017 proved that good things really take time. So many ups and downs, tears and laughters, everything mixed beautifully and I'd be forever grateful for this year. It's life changing.

I am happy. 

I am grateful. 

I am excited for more to come in the future.

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 7: BELUM MOVE ON YA?

*written in Indonesian 

Memangnya kalau belum punya pacar tandanya belum move on dari mantan pacar ya?

Ini ga benar sama sekali sih menurutku. Moving on bukan berarti punya pacar baru karena sebenarnya yang sudah punya pacar aja belum tentu sudah move on dari hubungan sebelumnya, kan?  

Aku pernah ada diposisi di mana setiap ketemu teman lama pasti ditanya "Udah punya pacar baru belum?" atau "Masih single aja nih? Kenapa, belum move on ya?" dan banyak lagi variasi pertanyaan  sampai kadang mikir, orang kok ga ada kerjaan mengurusi hidup orang lain? Sejujurnya, pertanyaan-pertanyaan macam gini nih yang bikin aku terkadang malas ketemu teman lama. Bukan karena apa yang mereka tanya itu benar, tapi justru karena ga benar sama sekali dan malas menjawab. Percuma juga kalau aku jawab, mereka pasti mengira aku hanya denial saja. 

Moving on itu kan masalah yang personal ya. Sudah atau belum, itu urusan kita. Perihal punya pacar baru atau belum, itu juga urusan masing-masing dan tidak harus langsung go public, ya kan? 

Enjoy your life. Not every opinion matter :)

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 6: BEING IN LOVE OR FALL IN THE IDEA OF LOVE?

how to make sure that I truly fall in love with this person and not the idea of the love I always want? 

I am in no way an expert in love-life, but I'll try my best to differentiate the idea of love and truly being in love with someone. 

Personally, I believe it's because the culture obsession #relationshipgoals that makes us confused of what we really feel. The idea of having so many people obsessed with your relationship, getting praise for being super cute, romantic, and literal goals with our boyfriend/girlfriend, and make people jealous is probably fun way to live. I mean, it must be one of many things of being human that makes us feel proud. 

Not only the whole term of relationship goals, but also the false expectation of love and relationship in general that makes people forget and caught up with the idea of falling in love, not with the person, not with the feeling. 

It's a scary thought, isn't it? 

When we're talking about love, none could explain it rightly. It's an incredibly complex but honestly, in my perspective, we all know how we truly feel. There's no way we can lie to ourselves.

The best way I can explain the difference between just in love with the idea of love and truly being in love with the person is if we keep looking for someone better, it's not true love. 

Because, when you're in love with someone... 

You want this person at their best and worst. There's no urge to change them as how YOU want them to be. In fact, you want this person to evolve as better person because this person helps you to evolve as better, happier person. 

You're not dreaming of better date or expect them to be even more romantic because this person already makes you happy right now. 

When things get tough, you and this person work together as couple, not as individual who only support each other as a mutual friend. Everybody can say be strong but not everyone can giving their power to make other people strong. You don't want to end your relationship because things get tough, but you want both of you working on it because the relationship you both have worths to fight.

Being in love with someone, you can't explain why you love them because you love them as they are. 

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 5: REAL LIFE MEAN GIRLS

What do you know about real life mean girls? 

Here are things I learned from real life mean girls based on my personal experience... 

1. They hide their insecurities by making other people feel badly about themselves. So don't believe everything you hear. 
2. Although all opinions should be heard, not each of them matter. There's a thin line between critics and downright mean. If it doesn't help you to grow, to evolve, leave it. You're okay without them. 
3. There's something about YOU and they feel threatened about it. So be proud of yourself, keep learning to be a better, healthy person inside and out.

Also, there's a lesson behind every struggle. I know it sounds so classic but it's true. Take it as a challenge to be stronger and fight a little harder to be who you are and who you want. Be kind to yourself and everyone. Good luck. 

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 4: BIG SISTER ADVICE

as I read more and more your blog and your answers on tumblr, even talked to you few times in tumblr dm, I honestly wished you were my sister. We're in the same age but talking to you, I figured you are so mature and wise. what the best advices you would give to your younger sister?

I have two younger sisters and here are my little advices for them... 

1. It's okay to fail. Growing up, I went through so many failures in order to achieve my dreams. Everybody does. I was so hard on myself and hated when I failed. It's not healthy at all. It led to anxiety and depression and I don't want my sisters push themselves like I was. It's completely okay to fail. Failure is not the end, it's only the tiny part of our success. 
2. Be brave. Again, learning from my experience. I used to be the person who didn't want to step out from my comfort zone because I was too afraid I would fail. Now, I wished I did what I wanted to back then. As now I'm braver than I used to, it's totally worth to be dare to fight something out of comfort zone. 
3. Love yourself more. No matter what, always put yourself on top priority. We all are perfectly imperfect. 
4. Enjoy being young. Seriously, although there are so many fun things being an adult, you're gonna miss the state of being so young and dumb and not worry about adult things. Enjoy it while you can.
5. I'll always be there. No matter where I am, or where you are, I'll always be all ears, eyes, and heart for you. It doesn't matter if I'm married or moving out to another country, you can always count on me.

2 HARI UNTUK SELAMANYA

atas (kiri ke kanan): Sem - Devi - Nurul - Anggi - Monik - Sharah - Aci - Nais - Pey
bawah (kiri ke kanan): Faisal - Senna - Pitri - Ocin - Nike - Hadi 

Weekend lalu saya dan teman-teman kelas C di Sekolah Pascasarjana UPI menghabiskan dua hari satu malam di sebuah vila di kawasan Dago Pakar. Kami merencanakan momen liburan ini cukup singkat sebenarnya dan persiapannya pun tidak terlalu matang, bisa dibilang mendadak juga. Namun, siapa sangka, acara dadakan ini akan saya kenang seumur hidup? 

Kami semua datang dari berbagai daerah dengan karakter dan goals yang berbeda pula, tapi selama hampir satu setengah tahun menjadi teman sekelas, hubungan yang asalnya formalitas sebagai teman sekelas jadi awal mula persahabatan yang bisa dikenang sampai tua. Mungkin saya berlebihan, tapi saya tidak akan menjadi orang yang seperti ini kalau tidak mengenal mereka. Saya yang awalnya tidak berani berbicara di depan umum, lama-lama membiasakan diri untuk berani. Dulu nyali saya ciut dan stress buat merantau walaupun saya ingin sekali dan bahkan sudah diterima di beberapa universitas mancanegara tapi belum berjodoh dan Insha Allah tahun depan merantau ke benua lain, setelah banyak mengobrol dengan teman-teman dari Padang, Medan, Makasar, Jawa Tengah, Jawa Timur, Lampung, Bengkulu, dll.,  saya jadi lebih mantap buat merantau dan merasakan seperti apa hidup sendiri itu. 

Kuliah yang hanya dua hari tidak jadi masalah buat kami, karena setiap harinya ada aja kok yang dijadikan quality conversation ya mungkin sedikit-sedikit ada ghibah-nya :)) Intinya adalah, waktu yang sedikit bukan berarti kami tidak berusaha mengenal satu sama lain. Yang paling penting itu bukan seberapa sering kami menghabiskan waktu bersama, tapi manfaat yang kami dapat dari kebersamaan itu. Personally, aku mendapat banyak teman baik dari berbagai daerah bukan hanya di tempatku tinggal, atau tempatku mencari ilmu. 

Terima kasih kelas C sayang! Semoga kita semua bisa mencapai tujuan masing-masing, semoga lain waktu kita bisa liburan lagi. 

Salam sayang, 

Pey

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 3: MEMAAFKAN ITU BERANI

*written in Indonesian

Gimana sih caranya supaya bisa memaafkan orang dengan tulus? 

Beberapa tahun lalu, saya pernah bertengkar dengan sahabat sendiri karena runtuhnya kepercayaan. Saya orang yang berprinsip kalau kepercayaan itu dibangun dan untuk bisa percaya sama orang itu butuh proses yang cukup lama. Sehingga ketika kepercayaan saya dirusak, sulit bagi saya untuk bisa memaafkan dan menata ulang persahabatan kami dari awal. Setiap sahabat saya chat, bawaannya ingin marah-marah sendiri, teringat lagi apa yang dia lakukan. Intinya, saya menjadi pendendam karena kesalahan dia diingat terus. Saya berubah menjadi orang yang saya tidak suka. 

Hampir setengah tahun saya dan sahabat saya diam-diaman, lama-lama saya capek juga marah-marah sendiri setiap ada chat atau telfon dari dia, akhirnya kami ketemu dan saya jelaskan semuanya. Semua. Mulai dari gimana perasaan saya dari awal tahu kalau kepercayaan saya dirusak, sampai apa harapan saya untuk persahabatan kita. Setelah mengobrol, nangis dan sampai akhirnya tertawa bareng lagi, saya sadar satu hal. 

Memaafkan orang harus mulai dari memaafkan diri sendiri dulu.

Kenapa? Karena setiap masalah yang ada di hidup kita, kita sudah tahu bagaimana penyelesaiannya. Tinggal memaafkan diri sendiri, menerima dan mengikhlaskan kalau masalah itu terjadi. Memaafkan diri sendiri bukan berarti kita menyalahkan diri sendiri, ya. Artinya, kita berjiwa besar untuk bisa belajar dari apa yang sudah terjadi. Memaafkan diri sendiri artinya bersikap lembut pada perasaan, menyadari kalau tidak semua hal bisa terjadi sesuai rencana dan harapan. Kita harus belajar sabar sama diri sendiri. 

Setelah berdamai dengan perasaan sendiri, pada akhirnya kita bisa pelan-pelan memaafkan orang lain. Lagi, harus sabar. Segala sesuatu itu membutuhkan proses dan proses tidak akan mengkhianati hasil. Saya butuh waktu selama setahun untuk akhirnya bisa terbuka lagi sama sahabat saya itu. Setahun! Tapi sejak awal saya tegaskan kalau saya butuh waktu untuk bisa bersikap biasa lagi sama dia. Bersabar dengan diri sendiri itu perlu, sama perlunya seperti kita sabar sama orang lain. Saya tidak bisa sepenuhnya menyalahkan dia, mungkin memang harus seperti ini jalannya. Tidak ada yang sempurna di dunia ini, semua orang pasti melakukan kesalahan. Yang bikin kita berbeda, bagaimana cara kita menyikapi kesalahan dan masalah yang kita punya. 

Memaafkan orang lain itu menyehatkan. Saya tidak punya beban mental, tidak capek marah-marah sendiri, lebih enjoy menjalani hidup. Memaafkan orang lain bukan berarti kita ini lemah, kok. Memaafkan orang lain karena kita berjiwa besar. Memaafkan diri sendiri dan orang lain karena kita layak punya hidup yang damai. 

BEAUTY | L'OREAL INFALLIBLE PRO-MATTE 24HR FOUNDATION

This foundation has been around for months and everyone loves it so much. My friends swore this is the best drugstore foundation they've ever tried. I knew about this foundation for awhile but never really want to try because it claims lasting for 24 hours. Although the finish is semi matte, still, the claim scares me a bit. My skin usually gets very dry with super long-lasting formula. 

However, after convincing comments from my friends, youtubers' review and some blog that I like to read, I finally gave it a go and here's my thought after using this foundation for a week. I want to try multiple times, not a first impression because sometimes it's entirely wrong.

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 2: SELF CARE

I didn't taking care of myself because I want to give more for others. Why do you think self care is important and how do you manage? 

I used to think that if I give more to people, I was doing the right thing, which is not entirely wrong. What makes it wrong is if I didn't taking care of myself first. I used to put aside my needs because I wanted to provide for others. Now, as years went by, I learned and evolved, still evolving, self care must be my first priority. 

Why? 

Because caring for myself is an act of kindness. I can't be a good person if I can't even kind to myself. It's impossible to love someone without loving yourself first. Self care is not selfish. Everything good comes from within. You have to take care of yourself first because we can't pour from empty glass. You have to be healthy and strong from within in order to take care others. 

Self care is an act of courage. Self care is a form of love. 

Taking care of yourself is simple. You know who you are and what you want, so start from there. Put your mental and physical health in the first priority.

1. Watch what you consume. Drink enough water, eat vegetables and fruit. Never skip your breakfast. Take your vitamin. Don't eat when you're bored. 
2. Watch what your body is telling you. Learn to rest well - 6 hours of sleep, do stretching every morning and night, working out, take stairs instead of elevators. Those little things you already know, do it now, not tomorrow.
3. Watch what you are wearing. Never skip skin care routine, wear makeup and learn what suits for you, and dress well. Do it for you, and you only. Don't dress to impress people, dress to impress your own eyes until you finally say, darn it I'm badass!
4. Watch what you see, read and hear. To form a good personality, we have to be careful on what kind of content we see and read, what conversation we want to hear. Every morning I like to listen to podcasts or watch documentaries whilst getting ready for classes or when I clean my house. By multitasking, I can learn to focus more as well. 
5. Watch what your mind. Give yourself a pep talk every morning, be your own supporter, be gentle with your mind. Learn to not overthinking, learn to stop judging yourself because you are you and that's your power. You are enough, more than enough. Be patient on yourself, good things take time. 
6. Watch your surrounding. Let go negativity around you because you don't need toxic environment, toxic people. If you feel like you're stuck in a place you don't belong, leave. If these people didn't help you to grow, to evolve, let them go. 
7. Reward yourself. Every little thing matters - even smallest achievement is important. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift, it's okay if you want to but start with baby steps like go to your favorite coffee shop and order your favorite beverage, watch your favorite movie, or even sleep longer and be lazy for a day. 

MOVIE | JUSTICE LEAGUE (2017) - SPOILER REVIEW

Okay, where to begin? 

Well, I'm just gonna say it. I don't necessarily hate this movie, but clearly, this is not what I hope Justice League would be, if I had any hopes.

DCEU had lost my attention since Suicide Squad (2016), because... oh gosh I don't even want to talk about it anymore. Then Wonder Woman (2017) came out and it was really good, gotta say it saved me from completely leave DC. So of course, I'm excited to see bunch of DC superhero trying to save the world. 

Justice League is a turn off, for me. Again. 

How so? 

I will mention some spoilers here so if you haven't watched the movie yet, you may want to close and come back some other times. However, it you didn't mind or didn't care with spoilers, then... read more ;)

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 1: SIBLING BOND

how to get along with your sister? 

I have two younger sisters and very close to them. Throughout the years, we build this sister-friendship with mutual kindness, trust, and respect. To answer this question, the best way I can explain is to have equal understanding and respect them as older or younger sibling. It applies on both sister or brother, it doesn't matter if they're younger or older, you have to learn how to be understanding and respect them.

My sisters and I are very different in many ways and often, it supposed to be leading to so many fights but it didn't. Why? Because we are understand different doesn't mean wrong. Just because I have different opinion about something, it doesn't mean mine or my sister's opinion is wrong. 

As an older sibling, I try to earn my sisters' trust. I place myself as a friend, not as a big sister. This way, instead of talking with their friends, my sisters choose to talk to me about their problems (or to my mom). I listen to them carefully and try my best to give them advice without teaching them how. None likes to hear advice in bossy way, right? I learn their characters, figure out how to talk to them without making them annoyed. For short, I'm trying to be very understanding at its best. 

Another important thing is to be respectful. If I'm wrong, I'll go first to apologize. Just because I'm older, doesn't mean I'm always right. This way, I implicitly teach them to be brave to admit mistakes. My sisters do the same thing, if they make mistake, they'll apologize. By being respectful, we create an honest sibling bond. 

Last but not least, make time for them. Sometimes, we are so consume with hanging out with our friends instead of with our siblings. My siblings and I are very lucky, we have same hobby. Three of us love watching movie so we go to theaters at least once a month. You'll be surprised how one day hanging out with your siblings can change your entire relationship with them. You can go to wherever you like, but start simple, shopping, go to new coffee shop, try new cafe, whatever. By making time for them, not only we earn their trust and respect, but we also taking care of them. 

If you and your sibling didn't get along, I suggest to talk first. Maybe there's something between you two that you didn't realize. Good things take time but it will be worth a lifetime in the end, I promise you. 

Good luck xx 

TV SERIES | STRANGER THINGS 2

Back in 2016, when the first season of Stranger Things aired on Netflix, the world binged about it for months. Myself included. I wrote the spoiler-free review for season 1. 

The first season is mind blowing, like I said, it's like Stephen King meets Steven Spielberg with a bit advice from Stanley Kubrick. Season 2 is a level better than the first in terms of the storyline, production and character development. Let's talk about it further. 

This post contains lots of spoilers for season 2 (and season 1 as well), so if you haven't watch the series, you might want to skip this, or not, your choice ;)

MOVIE | THOR: RAGNAROK (2017) - SPOILER REVIEW

After 3 years of waiting... The third and final installment of Thor stand-alone trilogy is finally here. Congratulations guys, we've been through a lot and it is PAID OFF!

I'm not being melodramatic here, but ever since Kevin Feige (the President of Marvel Studios) announced Phase 3 at El Capitan Theatre, California back in October 2014 (you can watch it here - low quality but you can see and hear everything), all Marvel fans have been frenzy. Who wouldn't? People couldn't stop talking about the timeline for weeks. If you an OG Marvel fan, you know 'waiting game' is our regular activity. 

So, I've watched Thor: Ragnarok fourth times in a row. Yep, you read it right. I'm just that lunatic, am I not? The first time I watched it, on October 25 - as usual, Indonesia got early premiere day, and that was simply one of the best days of my life. I got chill, thank God I didn't forget to breathe. Sorry for lame, hyperbolic rant ;)

Anyway, enough with ranting, let's talk about the movie. This is a SPOILER review so please, if you haven't watched the movie, close the tab and move on with your life. If you don't mind with major spoilers, then go ahead. It's your choice, baby! 

PLAYLIST | NOVEMBURRR

Enough with sweater weather music, let's shake our body to warm up! Oh, also, welcome November!

1. Cocoon - Milky Chance
2. Dancing in the Moonlight - Toploader 
3. Electric Feel - MGMT
4. J'adore Venise - Loredana Bertè 
5. Love My Way - The Psychedelic Furs
6. New Rules - Dua Lipa
7. Summer Wine - Nancy Sinatra 
8. Seve - Tez Carey
9. The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala
10. What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club 

GIVING UP ON DREAM

"Girls should not be afraid to be smart"- Emma Watson

For as long as I remember, one of my dreams is to study as high as I could. It might sounds pretentious but growing up, I always want to be someone who is known for her intelligence. It's not ambition, but I think being a smart woman is worth to fight. If I'm smart, my children will be the smart ones too. There's no disadvantage of being smart. 

When I was a student in junior high school, I was bullied because I often refused to hang out with my friends after school and my grades were higher than them (stupid reason to bully people, right? well, every bully always has stupid reason for stupid action). First, because it was school day. Second, my parents wouldn't let me to hang out on weekdays - or any days. Third, honestly, I prefer to stay at home doing homework rather than hang out and talking about boys and gossiping other girls. Well, yeah, you can call me nerd. It's okay. I am nerd. Nerd is cool ;) 

After graduated high school, I went to college and finish my bachelor degree within four years. I was graduated as Bachelor in Education, with major Indonesian Language and Literature Education. Before I graduated, two years before, I was writing down my plans what I would do after graduated. Finding a job that would be suit with my degree seemed not a good option at that time. I felt like my education, my degree, were not enough to fulfill my dreams. So I decided I'd continue my education. I'd apply to postgraduate schools. My closest ones knew I always wanted to study abroad but because of my health condition, I couldn't go for bachelor degree abroad so I would do on my master degree instead. 

Graduate college, earned good GPA, I was accepted in five out of seven universities I had applied, those are my dream universities to study to. I applied to prestigious universities at United Kingdom, Australia, United States and of course, my own country, Indonesia. I was offered from the university I always dreamt of - the one that everybody does. The day I got email from this university, I almost fainted. I'm still remember how happy I was: crying, screaming, hugging my Mom who was with me that morning. That day obviously one of the happiest days of my life. The highlight of my lowlife.

I was so proud of my achievement, all the hard works, tears, time I spent, it's all paid off. Even in smallest achievement we got, we should be proud. So, to say I wasn't happy and proud would be such a vast understatement. Few days after I received those acceptance letters, I immediately applied for scholarships. Every scholarship that I could find at that time.

In this journey to continue my master degree, I've failed my IELTS test but I rose and tried again and earned more than I needed. I've rejected in my first try for scholarship but I kept trying to find another. I got rejected on my second and tried again. I went through hard times with my personal life but it didn't stoping me to go after my dream. 

I had these letter of acceptance on my hands, letters that proved my ability and credibility to study at those universities, the chance to study with people who have the similar dreams with me, the moment to evolve to be someone I always dream of. I had took so many stairs to get these letters, I was half way there. I was so close to my dream.

Unfortunately, it wasn't my door. At least, not now. Not yet.

I failed in all of scholarships application I've ever tried. Some even failed when I didn't even have chance to fight. I was in the lowest phase of my life for months. It might sounds horrible and too much, but I didn't have much passion to finish my master degree in where I'm currently studying, because all I had in mind was I finally go to that university.

Few weeks after that, another door opened. Another thing that was completely far from what I had on my mind on my whole existence. I was offered a job, abroad, for a year (we get to this part in another post). I prayed, asking to Allah Swt., if this was the answer of my hopelessness. After few conversation with Allah Swt. (night praying, reading Qur'an, fasting) I was assured to take the job. I was ensured for what I need.

A week after that, I wrote an email to the Dean of the university (yes, that university) to decline my offer. I was crying whilst typing. I was crying all day. It was hard to let go, but it would be harder to keep fighting for something you didn't destined, yet. I was crying but also proud that I could let it go. I was crying to find my strength.

Some people said that we should never give up on our dreams and I believe in that, one hundred percent agree. But the past two and half years of trying, fighting, crying, praying, and learning, I realize that we can't always have what we have fight for. Sometimes, letting go is the best choice we have. Sometimes, things are not working no matter how hard we try and that's okay.

It is okay to have dreams as high as we want. It's okay to dream something that seems impossible. It is completely okay to try and fail and try, try, try again.
But it is also okay to let go. 

It's a sorrowful fact that not all dreams end in victory. It takes time to really accept that not everything we want, we plan, is going to be smooth as we want it to be. To raise and learn from sad times, it's also a victory. To be able to accept the fact that God give us what we need not what we want, is a glory.

The good thing about follow your dream is the one that doesn't work out for us can lead you to something that is better than you could have ever imagined. It leads you to new chances, new places, new dreams. In my twenties, I'm glad I have realized one of many things that are necessary to understand: life works in a very mysterious way. If I hadn't followed my dream, I might would never be able to do an interview in English (which is not my first language) with confidence. I would never offered this job. To think further, it was only by trying to pursue one dream - tried and failed - that I was given another chance, hopefully the much better one.

After all, perhaps life should not ruled by single passion. Perhaps, life is supposed to be filled with numerous adventures, moving from one dream to another, try to find the right door for us. Perhaps, this is what life wants to teach us, to be a warrior of our dreams, to be stronger each day, to evolve. 

I didn't giving up, I put my dream aside for awhile. Maybe this year or next year not the right year for me to study abroad but work instead. Maybe three years from now, I'd be registered (again) as master student at that university or others, who knows. Maybe I'd be married to the love of my life. Who knows. What I know now is I am not failed, I earned new path from my dream. This is not the end, it is simply the moment that I have realized to start a new slate. This is only the beginning of many adventures.

Thanks for reading and good luck! xx

PLAYLIST | INSTRUMENTAL

Why I listen to instrumental song? The answer to this question is actually very simple. 

When I listen to instrumental songs, I feel like my actual feelings burst out more than when I hear lyrical songs. From my perspective, instrumental speaks more than lyric because when the music goes straight to the ears, then touches the heart, the mind creates the perfect images and that's why we feel certain feelings.

It doesn't matter if the instrumental songs are the original soundtrack to certain films or theater. It won't affect our feelings because there's no statement - what I feel about one instrumental song will be different with other people because we don't share stories. Although if we did, we would have different perspectives.

Here are some of my favourite instrumental songs that have very special place in my heart. I will definitely make a part 2 because I have lots of favorite instrumental songs. 

Be picky to what you hear, it really helps you to get through your ups and downs. Enjoy xx

1. Arrival - Dustin O'Halloran 
2. Bach: Tocatta and Fugue - Vanessa Mae, Mike Balt, Royal Philharmonic Orchestra 
3. Beautiful Lie - Hans Zimmer 
4. Breathe - Stanton Lanier 
5. Dumbledore's Farewell - Nicholas Hooper 
6. Historiette No. 5 - Fabrizio Paterlini 
7. il - Jean-Michael Blais 
8. Lullaby Variation - Fernando Velásquez 
9. Nuvole bianche - Ludovico Einaudi 
10. Obliviate - Alexandre Desplat 
11. Piano Sonata No. 14 - Ludwig van Beethoven 
12. Primavera - Ludovico Einaudi 
13. S.T.A.Y - Hans Zimmer 
14. Saturn - Sleeping At Last 
15. Searching for Home - Dustin O'Halloran, Hauschka
16. The Departure - Max Ritcher 
17. Time - Hans Zimmer 
18. Truth - Ramin Djawadi 
19. Uranus - Sleeping At Last 
20. Who You Really Are - David Arnold, Michale Price 

BOOK | WHAT I'M GOING TO READ

Hello!

I just purchased some e-books and looking forward to read and finish them. Recently, it's hard for me to find time to read, even if I did have time, still hard to actually reading the book, not sure why. But since I had these new books on my iBook app, hopefully it's easier for me to read because I can read it everywhere ;) 

Here are five books I'm looking forward to read within a month or so! Thank you for your recommendations on my tumblr inbox!

1. Crazy Rich Asian - Kevin Kwan 
2. Girl in Pieces - Kathleen Glasgow 
3. Our Chemical Hearts - Krystal Sutherland 
4. The Art of Being Normal - Lisa Williamson 
5. The Light We Lost - Jill Santopolo 

What's your current reading book? Would you like to recommend some? Let me know!