Wednesday, November 20, 2019

TAKING A BREAK

I did not plan to say anything or even explain any of this but this morning, I received two emails saying that they missed my Instagram story, how my story helps them to feel less alone, help to distract them from their loud voices and such. 

I haven't posted any story for almost a week. I have logged out from Instagram and Twitter because I want peace. To be honest, I have been so anxious and insecure about myself for so long because of social media but I love how I can communicate with my friends all around the world through Instagram. 

Social media has brought so many positivities to my life. One of my long-time internet friends, Francesca, she lives in Dubai now and we've been catching up a lot through DM. We met through Twitter - she lived in Italy then and I was just an Indonesian girl. Who would thought that a girl who lived in Italy would communicate with a girl who lived in Indonesia? 

When I was opened up about my experience about an abusive relationship, so many people reached out to me (my Instagram is open for the public) and shared their own stories. To me, I feel so motivated and less alone and goodness, they are too! We bonded through experiences and stories and for God's sake, that is a good cause! 

However, social media also full of toxic. I'm pretty much an open book. Some people said that they can tell whether I am in a good mood or bad mood based on my Instagram story. They said they can tell how my life has been doing through my Twitter. 

That's wrong. So wrong.

What I posted on social media is what I want people to see. Most of the time, when I was lost control, I was just expressing how I feel but no more. I will never share my personal life on social media - even when I shared my experiences, I did not directly point out to those people who involved. My openness became a boomerang for me. People feel entitled to my life and honestly, I regret so many things in my life and opened up to some people is one of them. 

I am taking a break from social media (Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr) not because I did not love the advantages of them anymore but because at some point, they ruin me. They just add more on my anxiety and depression, just like a catalyst. 

I will still be blogging, of course. There's no way I will stop blogging unless I have writer's block (should not making an excuse but hey, life happens). Not sure when I will come back to social media, maybe sooner, or later, who knows? 

I'm slowly learning that even if I react, it won't change anything. It won't make people suddenly respect me, or magically change their minds. Maybe it's better to just let things be and step back. Maybe it's better to put my mind on what happens inside me instead. Not that I no longer care but to be selfish for your own sanity is also a self-care.

Until then. 



Love, Vera
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