MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 7: BELUM MOVE ON YA?

*written in Indonesian 

Memangnya kalau belum punya pacar tandanya belum move on dari mantan pacar ya?

Ini ga benar sama sekali sih menurutku. Moving on bukan berarti punya pacar baru karena sebenarnya yang sudah punya pacar aja belum tentu sudah move on dari hubungan sebelumnya, kan?  

Aku pernah ada diposisi di mana setiap ketemu teman lama pasti ditanya "Udah punya pacar baru belum?" atau "Masih single aja nih? Kenapa, belum move on ya?" dan banyak lagi variasi pertanyaan  sampai kadang mikir, orang kok ga ada kerjaan mengurusi hidup orang lain? Sejujurnya, pertanyaan-pertanyaan macam gini nih yang bikin aku terkadang malas ketemu teman lama. Bukan karena apa yang mereka tanya itu benar, tapi justru karena ga benar sama sekali dan malas menjawab. Percuma juga kalau aku jawab, mereka pasti mengira aku hanya denial saja. 

Moving on itu kan masalah yang personal ya. Sudah atau belum, itu urusan kita. Perihal punya pacar baru atau belum, itu juga urusan masing-masing dan tidak harus langsung go public, ya kan? 

Enjoy your life. Not every opinion matter :)

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 6: BEING IN LOVE OR FALL IN THE IDEA OF LOVE?

how to make sure that I truly fall in love with this person and not the idea of the love I always want? 

I am in no way an expert in love-life, but I'll try my best to differentiate the idea of love and truly being in love with someone. 

Personally, I believe it's because the culture obsession #relationshipgoals that makes us confused of what we really feel. The idea of having so many people obsessed with your relationship, getting praise for being super cute, romantic, and literal goals with our boyfriend/girlfriend, and make people jealous is probably fun way to live. I mean, it must be one of many things of being human that makes us feel proud. 

Not only the whole term of relationship goals, but also the false expectation of love and relationship in general that makes people forget and caught up with the idea of falling in love, not with the person, not with the feeling. 

It's a scary thought, isn't it? 

When we're talking about love, none could explain it rightly. It's an incredibly complex but honestly, in my perspective, we all know how we truly feel. There's no way we can lie to ourselves.

The best way I can explain the difference between just in love with the idea of love and truly being in love with the person is if we keep looking for someone better, it's not true love. 

Because, when you're in love with someone... 

You want this person at their best and worst. There's no urge to change them as how YOU want them to be. In fact, you want this person to evolve as better person because this person helps you to evolve as better, happier person. 

You're not dreaming of better date or expect them to be even more romantic because this person already makes you happy right now. 

When things get tough, you and this person work together as couple, not as individual who only support each other as a mutual friend. Everybody can say be strong but not everyone can giving their power to make other people strong. You don't want to end your relationship because things get tough, but you want both of you working on it because the relationship you both have worths to fight.

Being in love with someone, you can't explain why you love them because you love them as they are. 

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 5: REAL LIFE MEAN GIRLS

What do you know about real life mean girls? 

Here are things I learned from real life mean girls based on my personal experience... 

1. They hide their insecurities by making other people feel badly about themselves. So don't believe everything you hear. 
2. Although all opinions should be heard, not each of them matter. There's a thin line between critics and downright mean. If it doesn't help you to grow, to evolve, leave it. You're okay without them. 
3. There's something about YOU and they feel threatened about it. So be proud of yourself, keep learning to be a better, healthy person inside and out.

Also, there's a lesson behind every struggle. I know it sounds so classic but it's true. Take it as a challenge to be stronger and fight a little harder to be who you are and who you want. Be kind to yourself and everyone. Good luck. 

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 4: BIG SISTER ADVICE

as I read more and more your blog and your answers on tumblr, even talked to you few times in tumblr dm, I honestly wished you were my sister. We're in the same age but talking to you, I figured you are so mature and wise. what the best advices you would give to your younger sister?

I have two younger sisters and here are my little advices for them... 

1. It's okay to fail. Growing up, I went through so many failures in order to achieve my dreams. Everybody does. I was so hard on myself and hated when I failed. It's not healthy at all. It led to anxiety and depression and I don't want my sisters push themselves like I was. It's completely okay to fail. Failure is not the end, it's only the tiny part of our success. 
2. Be brave. Again, learning from my experience. I used to be the person who didn't want to step out from my comfort zone because I was too afraid I would fail. Now, I wished I did what I wanted to back then. As now I'm braver than I used to, it's totally worth to be dare to fight something out of comfort zone. 
3. Love yourself more. No matter what, always put yourself on top priority. We all are perfectly imperfect. 
4. Enjoy being young. Seriously, although there are so many fun things being an adult, you're gonna miss the state of being so young and dumb and not worry about adult things. Enjoy it while you can.
5. I'll always be there. No matter where I am, or where you are, I'll always be all ears, eyes, and heart for you. It doesn't matter if I'm married or moving out to another country, you can always count on me.

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 3: MEMAAFKAN ITU BERANI

*written in Indonesian

Gimana sih caranya supaya bisa memaafkan orang dengan tulus? 

Beberapa tahun lalu, saya pernah bertengkar dengan sahabat sendiri karena runtuhnya kepercayaan. Saya orang yang berprinsip kalau kepercayaan itu dibangun dan untuk bisa percaya sama orang itu butuh proses yang cukup lama. Sehingga ketika kepercayaan saya dirusak, sulit bagi saya untuk bisa memaafkan dan menata ulang persahabatan kami dari awal. Setiap sahabat saya chat, bawaannya ingin marah-marah sendiri, teringat lagi apa yang dia lakukan. Intinya, saya menjadi pendendam karena kesalahan dia diingat terus. Saya berubah menjadi orang yang saya tidak suka. 

Hampir setengah tahun saya dan sahabat saya diam-diaman, lama-lama saya capek juga marah-marah sendiri setiap ada chat atau telfon dari dia, akhirnya kami ketemu dan saya jelaskan semuanya. Semua. Mulai dari gimana perasaan saya dari awal tahu kalau kepercayaan saya dirusak, sampai apa harapan saya untuk persahabatan kita. Setelah mengobrol, nangis dan sampai akhirnya tertawa bareng lagi, saya sadar satu hal. 

Memaafkan orang harus mulai dari memaafkan diri sendiri dulu.

Kenapa? Karena setiap masalah yang ada di hidup kita, kita sudah tahu bagaimana penyelesaiannya. Tinggal memaafkan diri sendiri, menerima dan mengikhlaskan kalau masalah itu terjadi. Memaafkan diri sendiri bukan berarti kita menyalahkan diri sendiri, ya. Artinya, kita berjiwa besar untuk bisa belajar dari apa yang sudah terjadi. Memaafkan diri sendiri artinya bersikap lembut pada perasaan, menyadari kalau tidak semua hal bisa terjadi sesuai rencana dan harapan. Kita harus belajar sabar sama diri sendiri. 

Setelah berdamai dengan perasaan sendiri, pada akhirnya kita bisa pelan-pelan memaafkan orang lain. Lagi, harus sabar. Segala sesuatu itu membutuhkan proses dan proses tidak akan mengkhianati hasil. Saya butuh waktu selama setahun untuk akhirnya bisa terbuka lagi sama sahabat saya itu. Setahun! Tapi sejak awal saya tegaskan kalau saya butuh waktu untuk bisa bersikap biasa lagi sama dia. Bersabar dengan diri sendiri itu perlu, sama perlunya seperti kita sabar sama orang lain. Saya tidak bisa sepenuhnya menyalahkan dia, mungkin memang harus seperti ini jalannya. Tidak ada yang sempurna di dunia ini, semua orang pasti melakukan kesalahan. Yang bikin kita berbeda, bagaimana cara kita menyikapi kesalahan dan masalah yang kita punya. 

Memaafkan orang lain itu menyehatkan. Saya tidak punya beban mental, tidak capek marah-marah sendiri, lebih enjoy menjalani hidup. Memaafkan orang lain bukan berarti kita ini lemah, kok. Memaafkan orang lain karena kita berjiwa besar. Memaafkan diri sendiri dan orang lain karena kita layak punya hidup yang damai. 

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 2: SELF CARE

I didn't taking care of myself because I want to give more for others. Why do you think self care is important and how do you manage? 

I used to think that if I give more to people, I was doing the right thing, which is not entirely wrong. What makes it wrong is if I didn't taking care of myself first. I used to put aside my needs because I wanted to provide for others. Now, as years went by, I learned and evolved, still evolving, self care must be my first priority. 

Why? 

Because caring for myself is an act of kindness. I can't be a good person if I can't even kind to myself. It's impossible to love someone without loving yourself first. Self care is not selfish. Everything good comes from within. You have to take care of yourself first because we can't pour from empty glass. You have to be healthy and strong from within in order to take care others. 

Self care is an act of courage. Self care is a form of love. 

Taking care of yourself is simple. You know who you are and what you want, so start from there. Put your mental and physical health in the first priority.

1. Watch what you consume. Drink enough water, eat vegetables and fruit. Never skip your breakfast. Take your vitamin. Don't eat when you're bored. 
2. Watch what your body is telling you. Learn to rest well - 6 hours of sleep, do stretching every morning and night, working out, take stairs instead of elevators. Those little things you already know, do it now, not tomorrow.
3. Watch what you are wearing. Never skip skin care routine, wear makeup and learn what suits for you, and dress well. Do it for you, and you only. Don't dress to impress people, dress to impress your own eyes until you finally say, darn it I'm badass!
4. Watch what you see, read and hear. To form a good personality, we have to be careful on what kind of content we see and read, what conversation we want to hear. Every morning I like to listen to podcasts or watch documentaries whilst getting ready for classes or when I clean my house. By multitasking, I can learn to focus more as well. 
5. Watch what your mind. Give yourself a pep talk every morning, be your own supporter, be gentle with your mind. Learn to not overthinking, learn to stop judging yourself because you are you and that's your power. You are enough, more than enough. Be patient on yourself, good things take time. 
6. Watch your surrounding. Let go negativity around you because you don't need toxic environment, toxic people. If you feel like you're stuck in a place you don't belong, leave. If these people didn't help you to grow, to evolve, let them go. 
7. Reward yourself. Every little thing matters - even smallest achievement is important. It doesn't have to be an expensive gift, it's okay if you want to but start with baby steps like go to your favorite coffee shop and order your favorite beverage, watch your favorite movie, or even sleep longer and be lazy for a day. 

MONDAY TALK | CHAPTER 1: SIBLING BOND

how to get along with your sister? 

I have two younger sisters and very close to them. Throughout the years, we build this sister-friendship with mutual kindness, trust, and respect. To answer this question, the best way I can explain is to have equal understanding and respect them as older or younger sibling. It applies on both sister or brother, it doesn't matter if they're younger or older, you have to learn how to be understanding and respect them.

My sisters and I are very different in many ways and often, it supposed to be leading to so many fights but it didn't. Why? Because we are understand different doesn't mean wrong. Just because I have different opinion about something, it doesn't mean mine or my sister's opinion is wrong. 

As an older sibling, I try to earn my sisters' trust. I place myself as a friend, not as a big sister. This way, instead of talking with their friends, my sisters choose to talk to me about their problems (or to my mom). I listen to them carefully and try my best to give them advice without teaching them how. None likes to hear advice in bossy way, right? I learn their characters, figure out how to talk to them without making them annoyed. For short, I'm trying to be very understanding at its best. 

Another important thing is to be respectful. If I'm wrong, I'll go first to apologize. Just because I'm older, doesn't mean I'm always right. This way, I implicitly teach them to be brave to admit mistakes. My sisters do the same thing, if they make mistake, they'll apologize. By being respectful, we create an honest sibling bond. 

Last but not least, make time for them. Sometimes, we are so consume with hanging out with our friends instead of with our siblings. My siblings and I are very lucky, we have same hobby. Three of us love watching movie so we go to theaters at least once a month. You'll be surprised how one day hanging out with your siblings can change your entire relationship with them. You can go to wherever you like, but start simple, shopping, go to new coffee shop, try new cafe, whatever. By making time for them, not only we earn their trust and respect, but we also taking care of them. 

If you and your sibling didn't get along, I suggest to talk first. Maybe there's something between you two that you didn't realize. Good things take time but it will be worth a lifetime in the end, I promise you. 

Good luck xx