This month marks 2 years since I packed my life and moved to Bali. This beautiful island has been so kind to me - reconnected with some of my old friends, gave me beautiful opportunities, and most importantly, personal growth.
Not every day here is filled with roses and daisies, but it is always so much better, even when things are hard. Mainly because I surround myself with people who are good for my mental health. So when things get rough to the point it's threatening my mental health, I still can manage.
I am proud of myself for how far I've come. To be the person that I am today, I worked so hard. Countless hours of crying, stopping myself from doing things I should not do, therapy sessions, medicine, and everything that is humanly possible, I have done it.
So, honestly, this is not solemnly about Bali. This is about how I distance myself to put together pieces by pieces of me. This is about how I give myself a second chance in life, to rebuild my life, and to reintroduce myself to the world. This is about me allowing myself to be vulnerable yet so powerful. This is about me finding my strength. I am not a perfect person, I will never be. But you know what?
I am perfectly imperfect and that's beautiful.
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| All photos are mine |
Last month, my husband and I decided to have the weekend early, we took Friday off and went on a 5 hours road trip with Menjangan Dynasty Resort as our destination. I've been eyeing MDR for a long time, perhaps way before we got married. However, with scheduling conflicts, budget, and everything, the trip had to be postponed. It's not always easy for my husband to take a day off from work. His role requires him to be always available - sometimes during weekends too. So when he was able to take a day off, without thinking too much, we booked the hotel around 10 days before the trip. We're so lucky there's still a room left!
We stayed in one of the beach tents, which was perfect for a couple like us. The view was literally so pretty, you could see the beautiful beach and blue sky right from the porch. The service was amazing. After we checked in, they brought us to our room with a golf cart. When we got to our room, there was a welcome fruit basket with a cute note waiting on the table, the amenities were fully stocked and the bed was pretty comfortable despite the room idea was to sleep in a tent. One thing that both my husband and I wished them to improve was the bedding, for us, it was too rough and somewhat felt cheap. We prefer linen, cotton, or different materials such as tencel or bamboo bedding. But, to note, this is purely your preference!
We originally wanted the villa with a private pool but it was fully booked. But it didn't bother us much because the deluxe tent was just as comfortable as the Vila one, just smaller, and the public pool wasn't too crowded. In general, MDR is not a busy resort - it's somehow secluded, perfect for those who want to get away from the busy, hectic, life. What makes it perfect is, that MDR is a one-stop service kinda resort. They have water activities, a gorgeous restaurant with good food, and an astonishing view. My husband and I just wanted to relax, so we mostly spent the day on the day bed on the beach - he's playing games and I reading a book.
Overall, we had a wonderful stay at Menjangan Dynasty Resort. Such a beautiful, relaxing place with a wonderful view, and amazing service. Highly recommend!
Let's spend a day-off with me! I don't always do this on my day off, but occasionally I like to pamper myself as a self-reward after working so hard. Especially in the past few months, a lot has happened and this type of day is very much needed. It was a nice sunny day so I decided to do some errands!
As per usual on any day, I started my day by doing my skincare routine. After my husband left for work (he didn't get the same day off as me), I made our bed, cleaned up our space and also did the laundry. Once everything was in place and neat, I did my makeup and got dressed.
The first on my pamper day to-do list was to do my nails. I found this press-on nail company called Eze Nails on e-commerce and ever since I have stopped getting my nails done at the salon. The one I used this time was dusty rose. The colour compliments my skin and is definitely perfect for everyday colour.
It has been over half a year since I packed my bag and moved to Bali. I feel like I've been here longer than that but it's not even a year yet! Crazy how times work. Maybe one of the reasons is because so much happened here in Bali, from personal growth, and career, to relationships.
I feel so blessed.I feel like I've been given a second chance in life and it's been wonderful.
I know my days aren't always happy cute playful days, but there are still those days that I can't even look myself in the mirror. The feeling of resentment keeps coming back and forth, and it's not easy. It's a pain in the ass. But it's easier to get through. Before, it took me hours to get up from the bed and now, the longest is an hour.
Living here in Bali is one of the reasons why things get easier. I came here with the mindset 'this is a new chapter of my life' and it is. Life keeps surprising me in a way I will never forget for the rest of my life. My only hope now is that this happiness won't end.
Do I deserve this?
I do. I'm beginning to live the life I prayed for.
Hi!
Kalau sebelumnya aku memilih untuk gak mengumbar tempat tinggalku sekarang, setelah hampir setengah tahun tinggal di sini, akhirnya aku berani untuk terbuka.
Bali
Aku tinggal di Bali sejak akhir Oktober 2022.
Keputusanku untuk tinggal di Bali karena aku merasa aku gak lagi merasa nyaman dan aman tinggal di kota kelahiranku. Pemikiran untuk kembali lagi ke Australia bukan hanya terbersit tapi sudah aku rencanakan, namun rencana hanyalah sebuah rencana. Banyak hal yang membuat kembali ke Australia tidak memungkinkan untuk saat ini, salah satunya kesehatan mentalku.
Aku berjuang melawan clinical depression, anxiety, eating disorders dan suicidal. Aku mencoba berkali-kali untuk bunuh diri. Bukan hanya tidak sehat secara mental, secara fisik pun aku tidak sehat. Setelah mulai stabil, barulah aku memutuskan untuk pindah ke tempat yang setidaknya masih jauh tapi tidak terlalu jauh dari keluargaku.
Jadi, bagaimana keadaanku sejak pindah ke Bali?
Memilih Bali menjadi tempat tinggal adalah keputusan yang tepat. Bukan hanya membaik secara fisik, aku pun lebih sehat secara mental perlahan-lahan.
Aku menemukan pekerjaan yang sesuai dengan passion-ku. Tempat kerja yang luar biasa positif, suportif, dan memberiku ruang untuk berkembang. Di sini juga aku dikelilingi dengan rekan kerja yang bisa berpikiran terbuka. Setiap pagi saat bangun tidur, aku selalu bersemangat untuk pergi kerja. Selama di tempat kerja pun waktu berlalu cepat saking menikmati setiap waktunya.
Lalu, aku pun bertemu dengan salah satu teman lama-ku. Kami dekat sejak akhir 2018 lalu, teman sharing. Terakhir kali aku bertemu dengannya yaitu awal tahun 2019 di Bandar Udara Internasional Ngurah Rai - saat itu aku baru saja pulang dari Australia, transit overnight di Bali sebelum terbang ke Bandung esok paginya. Sejak saat itu, aku gak pernah bertemu lagi dengannya walaupun keep in touch melalui whatsapp. Sempat gak mengobrol lama karena aku menghilang dari semua media sosial - that deepest pit of depression hole. Singkat cerita, he is my partner now. He makes me feel loved and protected. He shows me that love is not pain.
Sekarang, aku perlahan kembali ke sosial media. Berani muncul di publik, mengunggah kegiatan sehari-hari, foto diri sendiri, dan hal-hal yang aku suka lagi. Walaupun aku meminimalisir untuk menonton insta story orang lain, khawatir melihat hal yang bisa triggering.
Selama hampir 6 bulan tinggal di Bali, aku menikmati setiap waktunya. Gaya hidup yang sesuai dengan keinginanku dan aku rindukan (mirip dengan gaya hidupku di Australia), mengobrol dengan orang-orang baru dan mereka yang berpikiran terbuka, create new stories and memories yang suatu harinya mungkin akan aku ceritakan (kalau aku memilih) pada anak-anakku.
Yang paling penting adalah aku menemukan diriku lagi. Walaupun masih ada hari-hari di mana aku sulit untuk melihat refleksi diriku di cermin, benci melihat perutku yang tidak rata atau lengan dan pahaku yang besar, tapi aku selalu bisa kembali berdiri tegap dan bilang 'I'm enough'.
Kalau beberapa tahun lalu aku menemukan "kepuasan" saat memuntahkan makanan setelah makan, sekarang aku senang pergi ke tempat-tempat baru untuk mencoba makanan yang aku suka atau makanan baru. I feel less guilty to eat. I finally found love again.
Aku percaya ini adalah awal untuk hidup dan kebahagiaan yang pantas aku dapatkan.
