THE ONE

There's no right or wrong answer to this question: how do you know he's the one? I used to wonder about that too and the more I thought about it, the more I realised, I wouldn't understand until I felt it. 

It's completely normal to have that question lingering in your mind. We don't want to waste our time, feelings, and energy with the wrong person. Some people want to bring the relationships to the legally binding, and some want both parties to reach the same level of commitment. One thing that we all share in common is to have a good relationship with a good person. A relationship is each other's commitment. 

It can be so easy to say 'I love him!' at the beginning of the relationship. We are filled with the excitement, the joy and perhaps certain expectations. Sometimes, we are also blinded by the idea of love. People cross each other's paths for reasons. And naturally, we hope the reason is a wonderful one.

If there have to be signs that you have found the one, these are probably what I can tell you, purely based on my understanding and experience. Please note, that I am not an expert in relationships or love, these are purely my opinions.

You know you're supposed to be with this person when you're comfortable with them. There's a sense of freedom to be who you truly are, knowing this person won't judge you. It's also important to know it's comforting to be open to each other. You feel secure physically, emotionally, and mentally with this person. It takes courage to be yourself amid people's perceptions. So ask yourself, are you YOU when you're with them or are you the person they want you to be? 

Another thing that relates to being yourself is there's mutual kindness and respect. You respect this person, their boundaries, and their decisions as much as they respect you. I don't think a relationship would work if one of the parties is not able to respect another. If they show signs that they don't respect you, would you spend the rest of your life with them?

When we talk about doing life together, meaning you will share almost everything with them, having conversations about your and their values such as family, spirituality, personal growth, career, and health is necessary. I personally think it is important to align my values with theirs as we want to be on the same page in the long term. Align doesn't mean you both must want the same things, it means you both find a mutual agreement when there's a difference. This also means you both need to be able to have healthy conflicts. Because sometimes, disagreement leads to conflict. When you and your significant other are able to discuss the uncomfortable things with cool heads and hearts, I believe the relationship will work. Talking about uncomfortable things is not always a disagreement in the relationship, it can be trauma/s, insecurity/s, shameful things, family problem/s, etc.

Being in a committed relationship means it's no longer just you in your life. Knowing there's a level of healthy independence is also important. Just because you have a significant other, doesn't mean you put your life into their hands or the other way around. You don't get to control every single thing about your partner's life, and so are they. It's co-dependence, not dependence or independence. In any relationship, there should be a mutual care-taking and support. The relationship and your partner require the ability to grow and change to be better together. You are dedicated to your personal growth while also supporting theirs - and the other way around. It has to be mutual. 

What I learned from my past, anyone who is worth having committed to a long-term relationship with you will not be threatened by your dedication to your personal goals, they will see this as a strength.