Wednesday, October 19, 2016


None ever expected changes in their lives. None ever be ready for those changes, good or bad, either way we never ready, never expect, never know why and how it will happens. Change can be pleasing when we've involved in the process: new career wise or new relationship. We know the process but do we know the result? No. On the other hand, there are some uninvited changes that feel like throwing flares at us, giving us anxiety, fear, and disappointment. 

I always been being real with people around me. I share many happiness, my hobbies, my interests on social medias. As long as I remember, I almost never share my problems on internet. I share some sad quotes just to share my feelings occasionally but I never share my real problem because it's personal. Without being said that I'm very introvert person, I just don't know how and why I share it. 

Today, I just wanna say that I'm in an unfortunate situation where my life has changed. A lot. It changes unexpectedly, uninvited, and to the point which it is unwanted. To be real and completely honest, I don't know why I say that, why I share this post on my blog where I usually share my happiness, where I usually encourage people to be positive, to be strong, to be themselves. I just think, maybe... at least one person out there in the world, will feel related to this post, and not feeling alone when the world seems against them. I don't expected people will understand my circumstances, nor that I'm seeking sympathy. I just wanna share, that's all. 

I don't like these changes. I've been working on my dreams for so long, been treating myself better than I used to be, been cherishing my life the best I can do. Suddenly, in only one day it changed everything. It changed a big part of my life that I cherish the most. It changed my perspective at this moment - I don't like this perspective, honestly. It feels so bad to the point that the world against me, like the universe hates me, doesn't approve all of my hard works. It feels like my world ends. Like I'm not worth for my dreams. It feels so bad that I just don't want to face people, literally just wanna be myself, crying and regretting my life. These negative feelings are so real, I can't even handle it. 

I always try to be positive everyday, as the best I can. To be this negative person with negative thoughts, it wrecks my heart. I never know that I can be this negative towards myself, my life, my dreams. Everything is related. My health against my dreams. My dreams against my relationship. My relationship seems going to nowhere. Just... bad. 

Well, people said this is the quarter life crisis. I've heard that before. Now that I'm having my own ongoing quarter life crisis, it sucks. If I have fast forward button, I will press it really hard. 

Right now, as I'm typing these... I don't know what I should do. I don't know what I'm going to do but I hope it won't last long. I know it won't and I'm such a big believer of 'everything happens for reasons' so just gotta be strong, right? Just wait for those reasons. I just... I'm not ready for any of these. I don't want this to happen.

Thank you for understanding me. I'm so sorry for sharing such negative post, but let's be real. We're humans and we're going through ups and downs. This is just a glimpse of my downs. 

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