Tuesday, November 17, 2015


I never thought I would post something like this. This is not a subject that I comfortable to talk about because it is very sensitive not only for me, but also for most people. This is become one of people's issues for years.

Reasons why I don't like talking about this because firstly, like I said, it is a very sensitive subject to most people. Second, some people gonna judge anyway. 

Reasons why I want to talk about this because first, I want to encourage people. Second, haters gonna hate anyway, so suck it off. I don't care ;) 

So, let's begin. 

Believe it or not, this issue has been with us for years especially around girls and woman. Younger age, young adult age, adult, we have the same issue. 


Let's be honest right this second, when was the last time you give an HONEST compliment to yourself? 

I am myself is working really hard to love myself, my body. Even right now when I finally posted this, I'm still working on it. I try harder and harder everyday to gain love for myself. 

I was really skinny even people around me often called me skeleton when I was a kid. My parents did everything to gain my weight but it didn't work. Until, when I was 13 and I got my period for the first time, I also gained some weight and I looked 'normal' - that was how people called me, 'hey, now you look normal.' 

Puberty hit me not really hard. I was so confident and felt like 'this is me!' with a "normal" weight, no acnes (when girls at my age started to struggle with acnes) and people called me "perfect" and "beautiful" and other stuff and at that point, as a teenager, what people think about me really matter.

At age 15, I gained so many weight after I got medical treatment for 6 months. I look chubbier, curvier, and I hate it. I don't like looking at mirror because I was fat and I was less care about my health. Some medicine have a side effect on our weight and it happened to me. I gained so many weight and started to hate myself too much at that point. I cried when people calling me fat, chubby and all rude comments they gave me. Even people that claimed as my best friends called me so. 

I've through ups and downs, dealing with myself and people around me in my younger years. 

Fast forward to present time... 

I'm 156 cm & 55 kg. People said I'm too fat, too curvy because I'm short. They say it TOO often and  that was what made my mind up. 

I am fat. I am too fat. I've been fat for years and people don't like it. 

Saying someone too fat is literally same as saying someone too skinny. It's never good to hear.

Even when I pampered myself, I cried a lot when I saw those stretch marks and cellulite I have. I don't feel fresh after pamper. I hate myself too much! 

Once, I had that time when I was too tired of being tired. I am tired of being fat, I'm tired of what people say about me, about what people call me. I'm tired of people.

One day after taking shower, I was staring at myself in the mirror. For the first time, I tried to smile and said "You're beautiful" and you know what, IT FEELS SO GOOD to hear it from your own mouth. 

I cried with tears of joy. Where have I been? I've been wasted so many years ONLY to hate myself for no reasons. 

I have no idea how it works, but all I do only smile and say I'm beautiful OUT LOUD! Since then, I worked so hard to love myself and gave me more compliment because I DESERVE IT!
Everyone has every right to get compliment even in a smallest way. 

Being fat for almost half of my life is not a problem anymore. I used to hate myself but now, ever since I'm telling myself I'm beautiful and gained more confident, I don't care what people think about me. 

Skinny, fat, tall, short, who cares? It doesn't mean we're less human, less normal. We're normal. We're real. We're human. 


People with skinny body is as just as normal with people with curvy body. We're eat the same things, do the same things. It doesn't mean curvy people are not working out because of course we do. I am myself is a big fan of Zumba and aerobic. We're as healthy as other people. The mistake is NOT being FAT but being NOT RESPONSIBLE. 

Now, I'm a big believer in "DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY" because it is true. That's the truth. If you like chocolate, pizza, burgers, EAT IT! If you like crop top and short, WEAR IT!

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

We have our control to our body and our mindset is the first thing we have to made up. Say something positive to yourself is actually works to make our mind up. Say "I'm beautiful" every morning and you'll feel happier throughout the day. It sounds cliche and nonsense but trust me, just give yourself a try. 

For me, as long as my body and my mind are healthy, I don't care what people say because I'm matter. I have myself as my priority. Self-center? No. It's my way to love myself. 

I used to think that I gained my confident from what people thought about me, but now, I realised I was wrong the whole time. I gain my confident from what I think and feel about myself. 

Stop hating and start loving. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what people think about you as long as you're happy :) 

We all are BEAUTIFUL in different ways 

From now on, stop worrying about what other people think because it doesn't matter at all. You know what matter? Loving yourself <3

with love,

a girl who still trying to love herself no matter what. 

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