Tuesday, December 31, 2019

19 THINGS I LEARNED IN 2019

Sunset at Prambanan Temple, July 2019
This year has taught me so many life lessons that nevertheless, as important as what 2018 has taught me. I'm that kind of person that likes to reflect back in one or two days before the new year and start making list or not so-called resolutions for the following year. 2019 is the year I tolerating less that I deserve. I survived so many things in 2019 such as heart attack at the age of 27, trauma from an abusive relationship, fake friendships, binge-eating junk food (this was the effect of my stress eating), and lots of bad things that I thought I'd never experienced. I hope in 2020, bad experiences that happened to me won't happen again but became a life lesson that I will truly remember forever. I hope in the next year, the sunshine is brighter, the clouds whiter, and the sky bluer. 

Today I want to share 19 things I've learned the past 12 months. I hope you can learn something from this post too. Happy New Year, everyone! Until next time, xx. 
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Monday, December 30, 2019

THE BEST OF 2019


2019 is almost finished! To say this year wasn't a ride was such a vast understatement. I can't believe we're about to enter the new decade in a few days. Can't wait to start a new slate!

Today I want to share my best-of list for each topic that I mostly talk about in this blog. I'm not really blogging much this year, the main reason is that I was so caught up on working my thesis and finished my master's. Now that I finally finished, earned my degree and just chilling waiting for my graduation in February, I'm sure 2020 will start off really good. 

Enough chit-chat, here are my best of 2019... 
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Monday, December 23, 2019

WHAT'S IN MY HANDBAG


Back in May, I shared the inside of my go-to bag. It has been 6 months and my daily routine definitely changed. So of course, what I carry in my bag is also changed. I switched my Fossil leather satchel to this gorgeous navy leather satchel from Kate Spade. I purchased this bag the end of last year, I'm not sure this bag still available in or off the store. 

This bag definitely looks more girly than my previous bag and also smaller. It's perfect to carry my daily things as now I don't carry much. Although I still switch around with bigger handbag if I need to carry more stuff, this is my current most used handbag. 

Let's take a look what's inside! 

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Wednesday, December 18, 2019

BOOK | TO THE POETRY BOOKS I'VE EVER READ

The Princess Saves Herself in this One - Amanda Lovelace
Haha yes, very cheesy title. And no, I did not watch the movie. So, guess by the title you know that I also read and love poems. I wouldn't say I read a lot of it but there are some of my favourite books that really put me into perspectives. 

The Princess Saves Herself in this One - Amanda Lovelace 
I found this poetry book back in Melbourne, mid last year. I was battling depression from the abusive relationship and grieving my late-Uncle and late-Grandmum. I always hear nothing but great things about Lovelace and had read some of her poems in the past, but specifically, this book came to my life at the right time. So maybe that's why it is my most favourite poetry book because it holds a special memory when I was trying to get hold into myself. 

This poetry book has several sensitive materials such as abuse, self-harm, trauma, suicide, death, and more. It is scary at first to read and at some point, she speaks my mind. She wrote what I had in mind, and it felt so good to know there's someone writing what's in your head and made you felt less crazy. 

There are four main contents in this book: the problems, the suffering, the overcoming, the freedom. I love it so much! I feel like she has a way with words that to make her readers feel the empowerment and the freedom she felt. 

Hujan Bulan Juni - Sapardi Djoko Damono 
I have no words to explain how Sapardi's words turned my whole life upside down. I would never think there was one man with his poems could do such a thing. He was a respectively one of the greatest Indonesian poets. His poems always loved and so often become material for poetry analysis in classes. 

Personally, his poems always open up my mind on life, love, people, and world, basically. I fell in love with his poem on my first year of uni and it changed my life. He didn't use pretentious words, he used common words and it hit me. It hit me and reached to the point when I realised I was living in a wrong storyline so I left. 

Again, the poem has a way to help to get through life. 

The Essential - Rumi 
This book teaches me how to think deeper and further without making it overdoing. Rumi has his own way to put your mind into perspective and give you touch with our surroundings and also with ourselves.

I think, spiritually this book helps me a lot. It's not talking about a certain religion but whatever your belief is, I think you will still understand the life, afterlife, and who are we belong to. Or even if you do not believe in God, you're going to enjoy this book still. This is a beautiful piece of art, written. 

Smoke & Mirrors - Michael Faudet 
I mean, who doesn't? Reading Faudet's poem is always magical. You can be happy when you shatter inside or you can be crying so hard when you're over the heels. It's his magic and I'm down with every magic he has in the future. 

I love every book he published but this one, again, holds a special memory. My best friend, Zain, gave me this book on my birthday last year. Poem is one of many personal things and not many people talked about it. If I'm not wrong, I don't think I've ever told him that I like reading poems but universe proved that even when you didn't talk about it when you know someone is the right person, you know. Since that day, I know he's the right person to run to when I have dark clouds cover my days. 

The Dark Between Stars - Atticus 
His poems gave me different feeling from other poems. As if each poem sparks new thought, or pulls back old, locked memories. It was a great journey to read this book. It wasn't like... mind-blowing poems, or overtly original, but it was so related to our lives and we do need something that actually related, you know? 

Milk and Honey - Rupi Kaur 
This book helps me to heal from my trauma and understand why it happened to me. Her honest words are really touching my sentiment. I read on some articles, Kaur was brutally honest when she wrote this book. She was writing from her experience and as a reader, I felt that. However, I did not see this as a poetry book, or maybe I was wrong, but still a beautiful piece to read and to calm you down. 


Do you have any poetry book you like? 


Love, Vera
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Friday, December 13, 2019

BEAUTY | TARTE TARTELETTE IN BLOOM PALETTE REVIEW


Recently, I got a new palette that I've been wanting for so long. It is the Tarte Cosmetics Tartelette in Bloom palette. I absolutely fall in love at first sight with this palette. The colour combination is so gorgeous! 

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Monday, December 09, 2019

MOVIE | MARRIAGE STORY (2019)

Copyright Heyday Films; Netflix
This movie is really mind-blowing! I never thought a story about two people who are going through a divorce could be such a beautiful love story. It is about divorce, while in the process of separating, these people managed to stay as a family in a way that none ever thought it would be possible. 

I never had a divorce, so I don't know any of this process nor I understand it. I haven't married, yet. So, again, I don't understand what it feels like to be truly in love, married your loved one, and then separated. This movie helped me understand the divorce and how you actually feel about it. In a way, this movie makes me reflect back to my last breakup, which is a catastrophe, and I can relate to both characters' feeling. 

Back in 2010, we got to see Blue Valentine, which was really good as well, however, that movie showed you mostly about the caused and the fight on both parties while Marriage Story is more like the process, the feeling, and the healing. I'm sure the divorce process will be different in each country, the legal process must be adapted from the country's own laws. But, the point is, this legal process is really exhausting both mentally and physically, which also expensive. As if you don't have time to grieve, or to think through once you decided to get a divorce. 

The centre of the story is both characters. We get their own time equally and that's a really beautiful way to show how you can't decide who's the villain and who's the victim here because they both have the ups and downs that you actually can relate or at least, imagine and understand what it feels like to be them. How real and raw the characters are as if we watch two real people talk or even fight. 

This story makes us, audiences, feel and understand because of the power of both actors' acting. This is simply the best acting I've seen this year. Adam Driver who played Charlie and Scarlett Johannsson who portrayed Nicole. I don't remember when was the last time I was this awed by how an actor or actress act on the screen. If the awards don't recognise and appreciate this level of acting, I don't know what the awards want. 

Have you seen Marriage Story yet? It's available on Netflix since December 6th! 


Love, Vera
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Sunday, December 08, 2019

BEAUTY | BLUSH MAKEUP LOOK


I love how the weather has been doing lately. It's pretty sunny in the morning and then rainy in the afternoon. I feel like it's a perfect excuse to be cosy up on the oversize jumper or put on the big denim jacket. If you live in a tropical country, jumpers and jackets are not the options when it's 32-degree Celsius! 

With this kind of weather, I like to keep my makeup has a bit of pop up colour. A little bit on my eyes, cheeks, and lips. Almost like a monochrome look. So, I want to share what products I used and how my go-to makeup lately. It's easy, simple, but still, add so much colour to my face!  


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Thursday, December 05, 2019

A CHOICE FOR MYSELF


It's really funny when someone is saying I'm single, some people think that person is lonely and has no romantic relationships in their lives. Which is not true. We live in a very modern era, I believe that kind of thought should not be considered a fact nor assumption anymore, should it? 

It has been a year since I called off my last relationship. I, somehow, entered the official single life status in a wrong time according to society. Girls at my age are getting engaged, married, and just giving birth to their first or even second child. For some reasons, my romantic life is a state of achievement. Because I am single, automatically I am not achieving anything. As if my master's degree was nothing, nor my first job, nor surviving the abusive relationship, nor surviving pericarditis. 

So often when I hanging out with my male friends, there were at least five people reached out to me and asked if he was my new boyfriend? Or when I went to the store to find a dress for some occasion, people thought I would have an engagement party or similar. 

There's a more annoying thing that people ever said to me, 'don't be such a hard to get, picky, girl. what else are you looking for?' 

Uh. Alright. 

Do you want to know why am I single? Do you want to know what am I looking for?

I'm single because I choose to be a happy, independent, single woman. I'm single because I have a choice to be single, not because I take a chance of the situation. No, I'm not lonely. Yes, I have so much love to give to everyone, especially to myself. Being single by a choice has taught me everything I admire about my life. 

My last relationship was a catastrophe. I was badly abused and it ruined my life for a while. It took me a while to finally be able to put myself together again after months. It took me a while to be able to handle all the triggers and face the trauma fearless. 

I guess it's fair to take time for myself to be the best of myself again. It's necessary to heal the pain, to deal with the trauma, and to forgive myself. It's important to be able to love yourself after you've been dead inside for a while. 

My happiness does not depend on status. I was in a relationship last year and I had never felt more miserable, more dead than I was before. I was used, manipulated, and abused. I was abused by someone I have known for more than 10 years. Do I have trust issue? Of course. 

I'm not going to let my past define my future. I will never let anyone has control of my life anymore. I choose to be single for the sake of myself and my health, mentally and physically. 

I choose to be single because I'm bravely waiting for someone who wanted to learn my past not to punish me nor to judge me, but to understand how I needed to be happy and loved. I'm waiting for someone who's willing to hold my hand and help me to love myself even more. 

I hope you choose the right choice as well. 


Love, Vera
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Tuesday, December 03, 2019

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONGS I'VE EVER HEARD | SIDE B


If you haven't take a look at my Side A, you might not familiar with what kind of post is this. I love classical/instrumental songs so much because even without lyrics, the music makes me feel. I love a song that makes me feel something. 
  1. Contradanza - Vanessa-Mae
  2. Here Be Dragons - Gary Gackstatter, Alpharetta High School Symphony Orchestra
  3. Je t'aime - Richard Clayderman 
  4. Karzimierz Dolny - Zygmunt Czarnecki 
  5. Main Theme (From The Dark Knight Rises) - Hans Zimmer 
  6. Prime Luci Sulla Laguna - Gian Piero Reverberi, Laura Giordano, Rondò Veneziano
  7. Purcell: Trumpet Sonata in D Major Z, 850: II. Adagio - Henry Purcell, John Eliot Gardiner 
  8. Red Hot - Ian Wherry, Vanessa-Mae
  9. Truth - Ramin Djawadi 
  10. Zala - Pataki Gisella
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