Monday, February 18, 2019

ANOTHER FEBRUARY


Each year in one of the days in the month of February, I celebrate the day I was born to this universe. The day when I was lucky to have a chance to create a meaningful, wonderful journey on the planet earth. 

Last year, I was lucky to be given an amazing life lesson. I had so many memories that I'd cherish forever, those that I'd like to tell to my children, my grandchildren, and maybe keep going as I go. Life lessons that I want people I love to know, my mistakes that they won't make. 

I was never a perfect person. I will never be.

I did so many things that I regretted, things that I wish I didn't do, words that I wish I didn't say, and people that I wish didn't meet. But, more than those things that I wish I didn't cross path, I regretted things that I wish I chose. 

But then again, I would never learn if I didn't make any mistakes, would I? 

My biggest regret in 2018 was I was a people pleaser. I worked so hard to make people around me felt happy and pleased with the way I treated them. There's nothing wrong with being kind and nice to people, my mistake was I didn't treat myself as I treated others. It was too late for me to realise I didn't feel the love I gave to them in return. I was too busy to make people happy and loved while I was slowly losing myself. 

I'm such a person who filled with empathy and adoration, but I didn't adore myself enough to stop thinking I was doing more than enough for them. I was too blind with the idea of loving when those people treated me as if I was nothing but dust. Because I know, deep down, I want to receive that from others. 

There's nothing I can do. Because this is me and they are them. What I learned from my biggest mistake in 2018 is I need to love myself more because I deserve the love that I spread to others too. I deserve that unlimited support, comfort, and time. 

One person told me when I was crying on his hug, I was too hard for myself. The love that I give to others is too much. I need to give the same amount of love to myself too. And it hit me hard, came from one of the most important people in my life. 

Why? Because this whole time, I was a secondary character in my own story. 

So here's my pledge: I will stop making other people be the starring role on my story. I am the primary character. I have every right to take them out of my book if they're no longer relevant to the story. 

I and happiness I cultivate within are all I have. Everything else is just a chapter of the unknown, although I want those chapters to be filled with colourful adventures and memories. Well, life is consistent with inconsistent, isn't it? 

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