Monday, September 25, 2017

PLEASE STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED

If there's a sentence written on my forehead, it would be like this: ask this girl when she's getting married

This question started back two years ago, when I just graduated college. From where I live, the traditional trajectory of adult life goes like this: go to college, meet the one in college, graduate college, get married, have children, live happily ever after. 

God, please help this girl. 

So, when I graduated college, people started to ask "when I'm going to get married?" as if my bachelor degree in Education with great GPA that was enough to earn not one, but five letter of acceptance from prestigious universities in UK, US and Australia was not big deal. 

When people comment on my instagram story, when I'm hanging out with my family or friends, they have this obligatory to ask: where's your boyfriend? or you haven't moving on, have you?

Then... Every single time I go to a wedding (family, friends, colleagues, etc) - read carefully, every single time, there are people there, waiting for me to ask the most important question they have, that they're going to die if they didn't ask with those smiles and judgmental eyes, "when are you going to get married?", "where's the ring?", "where's your fianc√©?" and any other variations of the same question that is tickling my ears so disgustingly. As if there's no ring on my finger is some kind of cancer. 

More so, when I continue my master degree, people say, you're over do with your education that's why you don't have time for relationship. What? Seriously? As if my intention, my passion, my motivation, are not something to look up to. As if, a girl who chooses to be well educated, be smart, is not someone you should want to be. 

After awhile, instead of getting used to, it's gotten to the point whenever I go, I just don't want to see people in the eyes. It makes me feel insecure and anxious. Every once in awhile, I ask myself, when I'm going to get married? or why I haven't found the one? I feel embarrassed how left behind I am because some of my friends are already married, or at least engaged. Then, I get really angry. I thought I'd be going insane.

Most people ask nicely enough, but after 1 million time you've heard it, it becomes very annoying, disgusting and intrusive. It implies, my achievements in education, my passion, my dreams, are not something that great enough to celebrate, at least, deserve to be congratulated. I'd rather to answer a question about my cat, or my school, or where I'm going to be next year. Anything but that question, honestly. 

Sure, they might be curious on my personal life, but I keep my personal life for myself and closest ones and I want to keep it that way. I don't have to make a poster said that I have moving on. I don't have any obligatory to explain everything to anyone. Just because I don't share it on my social media, doesn't mean it's not happening. 

From my perspective, marriage is not something you should forced. Everyone will get married eventually, it's just the matter of times. Everyone will get their best chances and whenever it is, none should've questioned it. And by none, I mean, nobody. Not a single person on earth should asked when other people are going to get married. 

Why? Because everyone has different goals, different life paths, different intentions. I'm still young and to be frankly honest, right now with the state of commitment that I have, I want to focus on my education, my career, loving people rightly before I decided to get married. I want to be young and free, to live my life to the fullest, because I know what I want, what I'm going to do, what my goals are. I will be married, one day, but not today, not tomorrow, maybe not even in this year.

Because marriage is a personal thing and every personal thing shouldn't be asked. It happens between two people who are in love, not between a person and society. It's more than just a ceremony, more than a beautiful ring on a finger, more than invitation, more than legal document. 

So, here's my humble request. Please stop asking me when I'm going to get married. It's so annoying to hear. Ask about my education or my career because slow and steady, I'm reaching my highest point so far and I want to be appreciated. 

I personally believe the life we have created, the person we're becoming as continuously a work in progress, the person we're evolving, is enough for ourselves. There's no need to ask the label, the binding legal documents. It should be enough for everyone, shouldn't it?

Thanks for reading! xx
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2 comments

  1. this is so true! my boyfriend and I been together for four years and people keep asking when we're going to get married! super annoying! We basically want to chase our dreams first and be happy.

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    Replies
    1. those who asked literally have narrow mind. they don't see life from wider perspective. there's so much to achieve in life, not only marriage.

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